mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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