you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
