Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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