Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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