Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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