Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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