Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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