Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I bet he comes in French.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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