I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
