Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
