If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
