well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
