I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
