mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
