you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
