My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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