You're so nebulous sometimes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
