K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
