Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
