I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
