Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
