Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
