Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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