guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
