What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
