no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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