Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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