I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
