No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
