I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
