Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
