So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
