He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
