I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
