One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
