not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
