I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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