Got a toothbrush?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
