I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
