If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
