It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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