i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
