Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
