I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
