May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
