If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
