what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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