screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
