dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
