we're chasing vodka with high fives
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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