I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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