I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
