i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
