I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
