Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
