According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize