I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
