well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
