Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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