They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize