I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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