my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
