saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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