he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
