if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize