FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
